deadd.

Today went a bit better. A bit, and I still managed to break down and cry at occasions. Three occasions. :S

This isn’t working for me – I can lie to the world but I can’t lie to myself. I suck at lying to myself. I feel so… so fake.

I’ve done it again. Like I do oh so many times. I bottle it up and at the worst times it all comes pouring out.

Why should I care about them when they don’t care about me? They accuse me of such RIDICULOUS things all because of what... MY MOTHER??!! Hello!! I didn’t say SHIT to her. In fact it’s the fucking MAID who told her everything, how about THAT??!! Eugh, FUCK YOU I don’t TALK to my parents – let alone tell them THAT!!

WHY??!! Why did I just laugh at it? Why am I sooo incapable in defending myself? And why am I soo intimidated by her? You’re right – I let myself be controlled by her. Why? Cause she’s the fucking closest thing I got to a sister. Fuck that, to a sibling!

FAAAAAK!! ITS ALL COMING OUT AGAIN!!! And my emotions couldn’t have picked a better time…

In the end, I'm the only one I can blame...